I am so sorry that I was never able to help you with your physical pain. What I realize I should have told you was that you would never have lost me. You told me once it was because I was one of the few people other than Sam and Dean that you trusted, and you didn’t want to lose me if you could help it. And you were always the first to forgive me. I’ve hurt and betrayed you and your brothers more than once. It took me a long time to realize it, but I did. I know in my head that you’re dead, that you’re never coming back here to your brothers. I’ve never understood how humans are able to function when emotion clouds so much of their lives.īut I find myself unable to block out this emotion I’m feeling now. But the one thing that has always been a mystery to me is human emotion. I understand them like most semi-well educated humans can understand the ways in which the natural world works. The wonders and mysteries of heaven are not really a wonder or mystery to me. I’ve been alive since the beginning of creation. How could you do this, kiddo? How? Come back to us, sweetheart. Let Sam cry himself out, then figure out what to do from there. I guess the only thing we can do right now is wait this out. Cass is still standing there at the foot of the bed, looking lost. I tried it right after you died, but he pushed me away. I’m gonna try again to get Sam to let me take you and move you to your bed. If I knew it would work, I’d sell my soul all over again to bring you back and help Sam. I’ve never heard him cry like he’s doing right now. You gave him a reason to keep going when he didn’t think he could. Taking care of you gave him a purpose in his life that didn’t have to do with hunting. But I don’t even know how Sam is gonna live without you. Sam is on his bed, still holding onto you. But how are me and Sammy supposed to move on after this? How can we? What’s life gonna be like without you? Baby girl, how could you do this? How could you leave us like this? I know you did it to save the planet and everything. You just.I can’t even think it, much less say it.
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